Love And Funerals: Burial Issues For The Twice Married

Posted on: 7 November 2014

The last subject you want to discuss when considering a second marriage is your funeral. However, failure to do so can result in a funeral director, or even a judge, mediating between your family members about your final resting place. Plans that were made decades earlier, before your second marriage and subsequent children, become a major complication. It is therefore vital that your make your burial wishes known to your new spouse and family members.

A Place To Grieve

Traditionally, husbands and wives bought a plot and were buried together. In the case of a widow or widower who remarried, he or she would still be buried with the first spouse. Jewish and Christian faiths tend to support this protocol. Until recently, many people observed this practice, even in the case of divorce. Here are important factors to consider when discussing funeral arrangements.

  • Burial plots are for the living, rather than the dead. They provide a place for your loved ones to grieve. If you and your present spouse only have children from first marriages, you might both choose to be buried with your first partners so that children can visit their parents in one plot.
  • If you choose to be buried with a previous spouse, you can have your second marriage acknowledged on the memorial plaque. This will leave a clear record for genealogical purposes.
  • In cases where the second marriage lasts much longer than the first, many people now elect to be buried with their second partner. A sensitive discussion about this must take place with children from a first marriage.

Creative Solutions

Some blended families have found creative ways to resolve the burial dilemma. Importantly, plans must be made beforehand and everyone should agree. These are possible solutions to the problem.

  • If possible, purchase another plot near your first spouse. This allows you to be buried with both. There are even cases where a husband, wife and both of their ex-partners are buried in a family plot. This is done out of consideration for children and other loved ones.
  • If your religion permits cremation, this can resolve many issues. Many blended families choose to buy adjoining niches where urns can be placed next to each other. Ashes can also be distributed between family members who then choose their own ways of memorialising a loved one.

Whilst planning your own funeral is not easy, you can have peace of mind that your loved ones accept your final wishes. A contented family is one of the most important legacies you can leave behind. Talk to a funeral director, such as David W Bull, for help in making the necessary arrangements.


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